Patience

Lately I have had no patience with life. I believe that every moment we live must be cherished, just as much as the next person. But that can be easier said than done. Being in a married student ward is a unique experience. At least one spouse out of every couple that attends our ward is a student, and we all live in the same apartments. It takes me 2 minutes to walk to any given apartment here and my visiting teaching route is a piece of cake. I consider it to be an immense blessing to have the opportunity of attending such a fine educational institution as Brigham Young University. You might be thinking at this point, "so what's the complaint?". Well, given everything I've said; I'm very anxious to reach the pinnacle of success in one's life. Or at least what I consider success to be. A family. A house. A minivan. A steady income. A dishwasher. 

When I was a kid I would tell people I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. Why? Well teachers are cool and all, but my motivation behind it was this: manageable schedule that allowed me to be home before my kids came home. Yup, 7 year old me knew she wanted to be a mother more than anything. Fast forward a few years and I've realized I don't necessarily have to have a career. In fact my dream job is to be a stay-at-home mom; working 14+ hour days chasing around rug rats that don't want to listen or eat their vegetables. At least if they're anything like Ky, vegetables will be a challenge. I digress. The point is that when you are in a ward with people your age, attending the same university, in the same life situation as you, and some of them have babies, well... it's impossible not to get baby fever. Unfortunately for us; right now just isn't the right time. Maybe if I had more school under my belt. Maybe if mine and Ky's schedules weren't so off and one of us could always be home with said child. All I know is that it won't be happening right now. 

That's the real kicker. For those of you that know me very well, patience is not a word that I know the definition of. My husband can attest to that. The poor guy had to hear "are you proposing yet?" for 2 straight months before he popped that question. Therefore this whole "I want to have a baby but can't right now" thing is killing me. So, what do I do in times of deep frustration? Read my scriptures and study talks given on patience. I stumbled across a gem that I want to share with you. It was from Neal A. Maxwell's '79 address to BYU students (http://www.lds.org/ensign/1980/10/patience?lang=eng I highly suggest reading it). One of my favorite quotes from it is:

"Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience..." 

Ouch. That was tough to read because of the implications. By being impatient and not enjoying the stage of life I'm in, including not being grateful for the many blessings I have received, I believe that I know what's better than Heavenly Father does. WRONG! Not in any situation is that correct. It definitely won't be easy to learn how to exercise patience. In fact, it will most likely be one of the most difficult things I learn to do in my life. But it is so necessary for our eternal progression. In closing, I'm going to let King Benjamin share his thoughts on the matter:

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19 (emphasis added) 

Amen.